Reye's Birthday
by doggettandscully
Summary: It's Agent Reyes birthday......


Doggett woke up to the sounds of his Simpsons alarm clock, in anger he reached  
out and pounded Marge Simpson's hair, the buzzing sound stopped and he found himself once  
again in peace and tranquility, birds singing outside, the warmth and comfortable feeling  
supplied by his extra large duvet.  
  
THE X-FILES OFFICE  
  
Scully scurried down the corridor as quick as her steleto's allowed her, she made an effort  
not to look to desperate to beat Doggett to the office. She was five minutes late and it  
didn't look good on her rep she concluded, she pushed open the office door and was glad  
to see the room was empty, Doggett must be late she decided.  
After a while Scully glanced at her watch and realised the time was 9:45am, Doggett was *very*  
late, maybe something has happened? She asked herself, she tip-toed over to his time sheet  
folder to see if perhaps he had a day booked off, she found the time sheet for the current  
week and was amazed to see Doggett had not booked the day off, she then noticed he had been  
cheating on his sheets, she didn't remember him leaving at 6:00pm last night, she had stayed  
until 7:00pm so she could use the Internet and make the FBI foot the bill. She clearly remembered  
Doggett scooping up his items and departing at approx 4:30pm.  
"Good morning Agent Scully" Skinner's delighted voice said, Scully automatically shoved the  
folder back into Doggett's desk drawer and gave the assistant director a fake smile  
"Morning" Scully said dashing over  
"I got a phone call" Skinner said with a grumpy tone, "Agent Doggett is supposedly sick, obviously  
the idiot stumbled over his words and didn't sound ill to me" Skinner bitched  
"You mean? he is taking a sicky?" Scully asked trying to sound surprised, she knew Doggett   
would pull a stunt, it was a Friday. He always tried to make excuses to have Friday's off,  
it was a typical Friday, one in which Doggett was in control of the background checks, Scully  
knew he hated background checks  
"Something wrong?" Skinner asked noting the puzzled, annoyed, horrified facial expression  
portrayed upon her face  
"No" Scully lied "I just remembered, I have some unfinished work"  
"Oh OK Agent Scully, you don't need an old croany like me hanging around, I'll go and  
plot in my budwah" Skinner said with a wink and a smile before departing, leaving Scully  
trying to comprehend wether Skinner had actually uttered the last few segments of his sentence  
"Hey" Reyes joyful voice greeted "How are you?"  
"Hello" Scully said with great happiness, she realised she was better working with Reyes than  
Doggett, they could gossip about their favourite actors and talk about recent events at the  
FBI and their social lives.  
"Did you get me anything for my birthday?" Reyes asked  
"What?" Scully questioned with shock  
"It's my birthday today" Reyes snapped, opening her cardigan to reveal a badge saying '35'  
"Oh erm well I have decided to save it for your party" Scully quickly fabricated  
"Party?" Reyes asked with happiness  
"Yes tonight, my house" Scully said with a smile  
"Ok....great" Reyes said with a smile "What time, who's coming?"  
"8:00pm and a few of the agents are coming" Scully said with a smile   
  
DOGGETT'S HOUSE  
THAT AFTERNOON  
  
Doggett finally summoned up the energy to drag his lazy arse out of bed, in a tired, depressed  
state he placed his feet on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed for several minutes  
before finally rising to his feet. In a happy, delighted, joyful moment he remembered  
there was a re-run of Dallas starting in approx six minutes, he cacked and ran down  
the stairs to be confronted with the mess he had left the night before, knowing full well  
he was going to call in sick today he had made a night of it, he had polished off his christmas  
brandy, ate all of his favourite foods and watched three of his favourite movies, 'Titanic',  
'What Women Want' and 'Romeo and Juliet'.  
As his arse touched the chair a loud knock erupted on the door, he suddenly remembered  
placing an order with his favourite DVD mail order company, had his order of 'Shrek' arrived?  
He ran to the door and opened it with extreme force, to his horror instead of the DVD delivery  
man, Scully stood on the doorstep with a sad, frustrated expression on her face  
"Doggett I need help!" she screeched, causing his hungover head to pound  
"Why?" Doggett asked  
"It's Reyes birthday, I forgot all about it, I need to arrange a party, invite people, get  
my babysitter to look after William, buy presents, food and party decorations, then there  
is the house, i need to clean my..."   
Doggett resisted the urge to slap Scully and bring her out of her fit, instead he finished  
her sentence by telling her to be quiet  
"Shut up" he yelled "Come on in, we can work something out over Dallas and tea" he said with  
a supportive smile  
"Dallas? Tea?" Scully asked with rage "I don't have time"  
"Oh erm come on in anyway, I am cold" he complained, opening the door enough for her to  
fit in, Scully accepted the offer and marched inside to be greeted by a messy, disgusting room  
"Doggett, what happened?" she asked, had he been burgled she wondered  
"Nothing...look I'll go and get dressed and we can get this shindig organised" he said darting  
upstairs in a flash.  
  
THE MALL  
  
"Did Skinner let you have half day?" Doggett nosed  
"Yes" Scully replied tossing a large bag of balloons into her shopping basket, she  
grabbed several bags of different party accessories and moved onto the cake section "I had  
to almost beg" she bitched  
"He wasn't very polite over the phone" Doggett bitched in agreement to Skinner's attitude  
"I thought you were sick anyway" Scully said  
"I am" he lied, "I just feel a bit better now"  
"Ok" Scully said knowing Doggett was just skiving "We'll get a large cake and small ones too"  
"Yeah" Doggett yelped with excitement, he loved birthday party's, the main reason was the  
food on offer.  
"I'll go and get the booze" he said happily darting off into the direction of the alcohol.  
  
SCULLY'S APARTMENT  
THAT EVENING  
  
"That's it!" Scully said with joy "It looks perfect"  
"I agree" Doggett said standing back to admire their decore  
"Reyes should be here soon" Scully said "I only managed to invite a few people"  
"Why?" Doggett asked  
"Such short notice, everybody had plans" Scully replied, Doggett remembered that nobody like  
Reyes because of her foul mouth and rudness, she was a class A bitch and the real reason  
nobody was coming was because nobody liked being in her company  
A knock petruded the door, Scully ran over and opened it, she was greeted by her beloved  
Willmore and Agent's Chopstix and Scrupulous  
"Come in" Scully greeted with laughter, she was so excited about the party. Doggett offered  
the three agent's a glass of wine and a dorito "Feel free to tuck in" she said motioning towards  
a table filled with all different types of snacks and cakes.  
"Gee thanks" Agent Scrupulous said dashing over.  
Another knock intruded the door, Scully found herself running over and opening it again, this  
time Reyes, Skinner and Agent Garnier stood on the doorstep  
"Happy birthday" Scully said giving Reyes a kiss, "Please everybody come in and party"  
Doggett couldn't believe the sudden change in Scully's mood, she was usually the one to make  
sure party's were kept in hand but strangely she was welcoming a massive party. The room  
filled with the sounds of The Dandy Warhols 'Bohemian Like You' and the agent's danced,   
  
LATER  
  
Doggett couldn't focus on the face that appeared in front of him  
"Doggett" Reye's voice called "You fucking moron" she bitched  
"Reyes" Doggett slurred "I'm so glad it's your birthday"  
"Why?" Reyes slurred "Oh you mean so you can fucking have fun at my party?" her foul-mouth  
bitched, Doggett managed to focus on her.  
"Agent Doggett" Skinner's grumpy voice summonsed, Doggett looked behind to see Skinner with  
an angry face, his hands on his hips  
"What?" Doggett slurred  
"I think you have had enough to drink, go and sober up" Skinner ordered, Doggett felt angry,  
how dare Skinner tell him to stop drinking.  
"No" Doggett snapped and turned back to Reyes only she had gone, he saw her dancing with   
Agent Chopstix  
"You rude fool" Skinner's voice shouted, it sounded much closer Doggett concluded, he turned  
to see Skinner directly behind him with a fist at the ready "This is war"  
"NOOO" Doggett yelled and slurred at the same time, he found himself running around the apartment  
with Skinner chasing him  
"Look" Scully said with a drunken giggle and a hiccup "Looks like Doggett and Skinner are  
having fun" Scully laughed, Willmore nodded with agreement  
"It will do them good to burn off their anger toward eachother" Willmore decided "They need a  
laugh and a joke"  
"Yes" Scully agreed, Willmore was always right she thought.  
  
Doggett managed to hide behind the sofa, he had no option. He had answered back to Skinner,  
nobody *ever* answered back to Skinner. Many Agent's had suffered the wrath of Skinner's  
punishment for replying with rudeness to the assistant director, Doggett knew to well how much  
Skinner hated it, how could he have been so stupid? If only he had agreed with Skinner, he eyed  
the room from his position behind the sofa and was happy to see the assistant director had  
gone, maybe he has gone home, Doggett thought. In his intoxicated state he didn't care, suddenly  
he found himself in a spontaneous mood, he wanted to jump up, dance and have fun. As he did  
he found himself restricted, somebody was tugging at his sleeve, he looked to see Agent   
Scrupulous offering him a glass of wine, he snatched it a gulped the entire glass in one  
swifty mood.  
"Thanks" Doggett slurred and began to dance crazily around the room  
"Go on" Reyes cheered "Go on Doggett"  
"Doggett, Doggett, Doggett" Chopstix cheered  
"Go on Doggett, do the moves" Willmore yelled with a laugh, Scully found the situation funny  
but suddenly a bizarre twist of events occurred. Doggett suddenly halted forward and landed on  
the floor with an almight crash-bang-wallop, the room fell silent as if in some kind of movie,  
everybody gasped and a loud, angry shout filled the room  
"GET OFf!" it yelled, Scully instantly recognised the voice as Skinner's, she peered  
over the table to see Doggett laying on Skinner  
"Sorry" Doggett slurred jumping up, it was then Doggett suddenly began to vomit, sick splurted  
out and unfortuantely poured all over Skinner who was still laying on the floor, disgusted  
groans filled the room as the guests felt repulsed, Doggett stood embarrassed and then scared  
when Skinner jumped up and dealt a large punch which hardly whipped Doggett's chin  
"In the bathroom" Scully ordered dragging Doggett off into the bathroom, inside Doggett  
felt saddended by the recent events and he began to cry almost like a baby "Why are you  
crying?" she asked with anger  
"I don't know" he replied  
"You had better have a bath, you'll find everything you need in the closet, a spare bath  
robe is also there" she said running a bath for the drunken, sick covered agent  
"Ok" Doggett replied wiping away a tear  
"I'll sort Skinner out" Scully said rushing out the room leaving Doggett crying and alone,  
in his drunken locality he had no idea of what he was doing, he stopped the taps from  
running and quickly jumped into the bath without removing any of his clothing, apart from his  
shoes, he found himself having a frolic in the bath, he poured an entire bottle of baby  
bubble bath into the water and laughed and giggled as large bubbles invaded the once  
clear water, he splashed about like a child.  
  
"Sir" Scully said as she found Skinner in the kitchen wearing nothing but some underpants,  
she desired a laugh at the scene but contained herself when Skinner span around from his  
position at the sink with a smile  
"Yes Agent Scully" Skinner said with happiness, Scully wondered why Skinner was in such a good  
mood, the Agent that annoyed him most at the bureau had been rude and sick on him   
"Erm nothing" Scully muttered  
"Agent Doggett is drunk, I can accept it. I have peace in my heart" Skinner said, sounding  
much like a bible basher who had found god  
"Oh sir, would you like a drink?" she asked  
"It's OK, I helped myself to some brandy" Skinner said with a sly grin, then it dawned on her  
Skinner was drunk, he usually acted in a kind and polite manner when he was drunk, that's  
why he accepted the situation with Doggett.  
  
Doggett began to panic when he found himself in an extraordinary predicament, strange  
sponge-like objects in the form of animals could be seen floating around in his bathwater,  
an octopus, lion and he could clearly see a pink, sponge seal. How could he be imagining  
such demented visions, he couldn't understand what was happening. He has sobered up with the  
aid of the bath but now he was having a crazy fit. Before he knew it he saw the strangest  
thing in his nutty circumstance a small parrot style figure with purple fluffy hair  
dropped into the bath, did it fly there? Was he actually going mad?  
"DOGGETT!" Scully bellowed  
"What?" Doggett asked in cack  
"Are you ok?"   
"Yes" he replied, he began to sweat and his heart began to race as the visions he was encountering  
didn't leave, they stayed and he knew he was insane. He jumped out of the bath and  
suddenly found his little bare feet gliding around on the wet floor, they squeaked as his  
skin skimmed across the tiled floor "Ahhh" he bellowed  
"Doggett?" Scully questions  
"Ahhhh" he screamed  
"What's happening?" she asked as his curdling scream continued, she pushed the door  
open with force to find an unsettling scene unfolding before her eyes. Doggett was slipping  
about in several directions, he couldn't stop himself and it seemed as if his little  
mishap wasn't coming to an end, he had been slipping for ages before Doggett finally  
fell to the floor "Are you ok?" she asked running over  
"Yes" he replied with a pale, shocked face  
"Have you been playing with William's sponges and parrot washmit?" Scully asked with anger  
"What?" Doggett asked jumping up to see his visions still in the bath tub  
"William's washing accessories" Scully snapped  
"Oh" Doggett stuttered, he was relieved, he wasn't mad after all. The visions were William's  
"I think you had better go home and sober up" she bitched so see him still slightly drunk,  
she stormed out and slammed the door behind her.  
  
LATER  
  
Doggett entered the living room expecting everybody to have gone home, the music had stopped,  
he was wearing a lylac dressing gown with flowers plastered all over it, it was Scully's and  
he guessed she wouldn't mind him wearing it. He was in shock when the room was filled with  
the same agent's as before, only instead of listening to music they were watching television.  
"Oh look it's Agent Doggett" Skinner said in a drunken, bitch slur  
"Oh look he finally decided to fucking join is" Reyes bitched "My birthday and he fucking spends  
it in the bath playing with baby toys" Reyes said, all the agent's giggled like a bunch  
of school kids  
"Doggett" Scully whispered from behind, Doggett was red with embarrassment, Scully had told  
them about his bath and now he was the laughing stock of the entire room  
"What?" he asked  
"I have some of Mulder's old clothes in my room, Skinner had to borrow some too" she said with  
a smile  
"Why did you tell them?" Doggett asked with a sad face  
"I didn't, Skinner heard the whole thing" she admitted "Don't worry they are all drunk apart  
from Agent Doopcheck"  
"Who?" Doggett asked  
"Agent Doopcheck, Agent's Chopstix's cousin, he joined the part a while ago" Scully said  
handing Doggett some jogging pants and a t-shirt, he took them with a thank ful smile "I'll   
let you get dressed" she said  
Doggett was so depressed at the situation he didn't know whether to go home and hide or  
face the music, he changed into the clothes and glanced around at Scully's bedroom.   
With only one thought in mind, having a nose through her personal belongings. He stepped  
over to her dresser and quietly pulled open the top drawer to have a good old sticky-beak  
through her stuff.  
"Doggett!" she called "Are you okay in there?"  
In a cacky panic through fear of being caught Doggett stumbled, trying to stop his decend  
to the floor he pulled the drawer but the drawer came with him and landed on top of him with  
an enormous thunderclap style bang "DOGGETT!" she screeched running into inspect the scene  
of the noise, she caught sight of Doggett on the floor covered in her luxary silk underwear  
"You dirty man" she screamed with disgust, had he been cross-dressing she wondered, in  
amazement and bafflement all the party guests dashed into see what all the commotion was  
about, Reyes stood confused, Skinner stood with an angered expression whislt the other  
guests found the whole circumstance hilarious.  
"Agent Doggett!" Skinner bellowed running over and dragging the skinny, half-drunken agent  
to his feet "How dare you...you" Skinner couldn't quite tell Doggett off for his behavior  
because he wasn't quite aware of what had happened, he glanced at Scully for an explanation.  
Scully stood bewildered but she too didn't quite have words to explain, they both glanced  
at Doggett who was shocked and puzzled  
"I was just looking" he explained, Scully and Skinner exchanged puzzled looks "Through  
the drawer, I needed to erm get some underwear" he lied "Scully gave me these clothes that  
belonged to Mulder but I wanted a clean changed of underwear"  
"So you decided to wear some silk underwear?" Scully asked "How dare you look through my  
personal things"  
"Agent Doggett I'm ashamed of you" Skinner said in his drunken manner "First of all you   
totally lower the tone of Reye's birthday party, then you ruin the tone of Scully's  
bedroom by being a transvestite" the guests laughed uncrontollably at the whole predicament  
and failed to stop when Skinner turned around with the most angered look her had ever  
portrayed  
"For fucks sake" Reyes said stepping forward "It's my party give the guy a break"  
"Agent REYES!" Skinner yelled "How dare you..."  
"Dare me fucking what?" Reyes yelled cutting his sentence off "It's all a silly misunderstanding  
and an accident, Scully's willing to dismiss it and fucking hell I am too"   
"Is that right?" Skinner asked waiting for Scully's answer  
"Erm yes" Scully replied not meaning it, she didn't want anymore problems so she figured   
agreeing with Reyes was the answer  
"If you say so" Skinner said "Now come on people let's have fun, it's nearly Christmas we need  
to start getting ready for celebrations"  
  
THE END 


End file.
